What I do to help with grief coping
What personally motivates me is my own journey into grief coping and reclaiming myself and all those fragmented pieces.
I have been in the business of Wellness for 30 years. I practice as a sport, musculoskeletal & postural therapist, and a de-stress and grief coping counselor. During my sessions, I counsel my clients and listen to their stories. This has been ongoing in my business of wellness and wholeness.
My experiance
A decade ago and a few months before my 40th birthday, my father passed over from suicide. Just after my 40th birthday, my son Shannon passed over. A tragic accident through silly experimentation, the kids were trying to get a buzz. They were watching online videos and experimenting trying to have some fun.
Shannon was just two weeks from being 15. It’s been a decade of grief for me.
I have come through this time intact and happy. I have studied and qualified in grief coping and am available to be of service to you as a grief counsellor.
In dedication to Shannon in the skies and my son Kai on earth, I made a commitment to do this work sincerely and help others going through their personal grief experiences.
My education
I have a 4-year post-graduate degree in Psychology and am a qualified and certified Grief Counsellor through the AIHCP.
The American Institute of Health Care Professionals Inc. is a professional organization serving various health care professionals,
providing Health Care Certification, Continuing Education, and Fellowship programs.
Although I have a formal education, I owe a lot of my grief healing knowledge to living in the Amazon for 8 months when I was 21. I also managed to return there again later on in my life. I have continued my education with Brazilian teachers throughout the last 29 years.
The Amazonian tribal communities are not afraid to embrace death as a part of their community lives. Whereas here in the Western world death is often surrounded by an air of awkwardness and uncomfortableness. It is often accompanied by a situation of not knowing what to say to the grieving person and how to support them along the journey.
I support you in your grief coping journey
In the western world, in reality, even those with the best intentions are forced by our rushed lives to return to their work and family commitments. This often leaves a griever feeling very isolated, as the rest of the world seems to have returned to normal and they have not.
I aspire to help others to feel every emotion that comes up around grief, embrace these feelings and don’t suppress them.
You still have a life journey. It is a different life now, as it can never be the same as the life you had when your loved one was alive.
We have to find a new life while grieving…..and as inspirational author Tom Zuba puts it….a new way to do grief. (Ref Tom Zuba).
Grief does not fade away or become easier with time.
One learns to reclaim parts of their life in a functional way while grieving and honouring their loved one(s) who have passed over.
My approach to grief coping includes:-
1) The physical
As a sports therapist, I remind people to keep moving as much as possible. Easy stretching, breathing, and walking are good. It assists with flow in the body which helps shift the grief that gets stored in the body as a type of stagnant energy. I refer to this energy as “frozen grief”.
This is an important aspect of our wellness so that our grief does not get suppressed in our bodies with no place to go. It must not come out in health issues or through the organs and other anatomical systems of the body such as the nervous and musculoskeletal systems.
2) The emotional
Of course, the emotional effects of grief are significant, momentous, earth-shattering, and change us forever. It’s as if there is life before the loved one died and life after the loved one died.
A new life begins, and it is different from the one you knew when your loved one was alive. It is frightening to navigate your humanness in this new terrain so lots of emotions are experienced.
My role is to assist the griever to design a new life without the deceased. At the same time, each emotion that comes up needs to be acknowledged, recognised, and processed over time.
We also allow for a life time of grief, as we never stop loving our loved ones that pass over, so we honour that and keep on loving them.
Complicated grief often needs to be addressed as well as cumulative death experiences. There are all types of reactions to grief such as chronic, delayed, exaggerated, and masked responses. Sometimes it can be extremely traumatic and complicated.
I am here to assist with your life after your loved one’s death.
3) The mental
The mental is an important aspect. You tell your story and I will listen with the fullest of respect.
Say the name of your loved one that is sadly now deceased, when chatting to others.
We have to learn to adapt to a new life that leaves us feeling uncomfortable and scared.
What we are thinking and the way we perceive things on a mental level have a huge influence on our happiness and wellbeing. As part of grief coping, affirmations and gratitude play a huge role in healing one’s inner being.
An example of this is “I choose to feel happy today. I appreciate the abundance in my life”.
Reprogramming our thought process in a more positive manner can change our chemical, hormonal, and endocrine systems within our bodies. This helps us to ultimately feel good and happy.
4) The spiritual
In a way, this is my favourite part because it has saved me in my grief over and over again.
It affirms that even though your loved one is no longer in the physical, he or she still exists in their soul-spiritual form. This is comforting for many, to know there is continuity beyond death in the spiritual realms.
Most important for me is to honour every culture, religion, and way of thinking the grieving person relates to, which is comforting to the person mourning.
Great respect is needed in this area and I like to navigate openly and tenderly to bring the griever to a place of comfort in their heart and beingness.
I want my clients to grieve and find the comfort that aligns with their unique self.
We are needing to shift the inner dialogue surrounding our grief. So I encourage you to work with words such as “ even though I miss (loved one’s name), I want to experience peace within myself again”.
We try to work with the body and mind to slowly heal again through the grueling experience of deep grief.
Grief is a lonely process even for those who are surrounded by deep love and caring people.
It is a life time journey.
Your loved one’s stories need to be told.
In a way, this helps validate and respect the grieving process and keep the deceased’s memory going and honoured always.
I look forward to hearing your story. Working through all those tears, acknowledging all the crazy chaotic emotions, assisting you to honour your loved one for eternity and helping you heal.
A little visualization gift for grif coping to you:-
I enjoy doing a visualization with all my clients going through grief. This is my gift to you to help you feel better.
Firstly make sure you are sitting comfortably.
Think about your favourite place in nature. Notice if it is inland. Does it have mountains? Is there water, perhaps the ocean or waterfalls. This is your perfect place in nature.
Now take 3 deep breathes in and out very deeply and very slowly. These are slow belly breathes filling your whole belly up, and exhaling out in an exaggerated way so that you get all the CO2 out of your belly.
Now imagine your loved one. Imagine how you feel in your heart. Think about all the love your loved one had for you when they were alive, and that exists in your heart you know forever.
Now take that same love, that you remember, and turn it into self-love. Let that unconditional self-love flood your body….
That same love that is actually the story of love, relationships, and grief because we have experienced that real love in our beautiful lives.
Breathe this love into your well being throughout your day to feel better….